"...the simple fact of writing helps us to organize our thoughts and see more clearly what is in our surroundings. A paper and pen perform miracles---they alleviate pain, make dreams come true, and summon lost hope..." ~Paulo Coelho (MAKTUB)~

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HunGrY VuLtuRe

September 25, 2008

Heck! I really need to unload, I’m getting fed up with what’s happening these days. I don’t know what’s this person’s problem…why does she have to know everything there is to know about the people around her??? about their private lives? why does she have to bring out things that happened even before she came into the picture? God knows she doesnt have the right, not even a single iota of RIGHT to nose around and ask people about other people’s lives! My life particularly, whatever I do with my life is none of her business! She has no right to inquire things about me, she has no right to even talk about me with other people, she has no right to meddle in my affairs…specifically my friendship with some people, and specially she has no right whatsoever to judge me or even give her opinion about me…Oh! Before I forgot, let’s call this person “Eps”…ha ha ha that’s according to some people. (more…)

Posted by dumanay at 6:10 pm | permalink | comments[4]

huh!

September 9, 2008

Short hair for the first time in 15 years?? huh!

Laarni won the Grand Star Dreamer  title…huh!

“You know you can trust me”…HUH!

Big huh! I just learned that 2 students actually read my more or less heated argument with Mr. B, they even knew the “deletan or awayan blues” (as a friend called it) and all.  With sensitive matters like that and with hyperactive and curious students around, I just can’t believe Mr. B would leave his pc open.

ICT people said pinag aawayan daw namin ni JAD si Kulas hihihi…huh!

Unsolicited advices and covert glances were coming my way…big huh! someone’s got a big mouth…and now I know that person…if that person is a friend or a foe… I honestly don’t know…:( 

“kumusta?”…huh! I thought my words were clear enough.

“…achuu!…achuu!”…huh! hate having colds…hate this sneezing, runny nose, headache, teary eyes, bad taste of food and fatigue…

Missed taebo this morning because of this colds…huh!

Drip coffee at Troi’s…huh!

 

 

 

 

 

Lady A: Here’s Dumz o…you ask her na.

Lady B: We’re gonna ask you something…..it’s not about YOU hahaha…

:D Huh!!!

Posted by dumanay at 5:28 pm | permalink | Add comment

This and that…

September 8, 2008

An hour of taebo workout then a cup of coffee afterwards…hmmnnn saraaaaaaaaap! See if you won’t feel invigorated and energetic for the rest of the day. Aside from keeping me fit, taebo gives me something to look forward to in the morning. Kick! punch! and crunch! whew! It helps you release all those pent-up emotions from your mind and body. My muscles screamed in protest for several days, it’s been a year since my last time to attend the workout thats why.  I also managed to convince a friend to accompany me atleast during weekends. Way to go sistah! we gotta tone these love handles and that beer belly hahahaha.  

Here’s for a laugh, something that completely boggles the mind, I just dont want to give particular attention to it so I will just mention it here under a completely different title. I Received an sms from someone in the past that I’d rather not talk about. I was not really shocked because this was not the first time that he tried to communicate with me in the past years…acting as if everything’s okey. Something that I just ignored because honestly, I can’t see myself being friends again to someone who had intentionally hurt me . I was actually amused with his behavior because after sending me several messages that were ignored, he had the audacity to get mad at me because I didn’t bother to reply…the nerve! ha ha ha really funny, I don’t think it sat well in his ego that his angry txt messages were blatantly ignored. Similarly, Mr. B ignored my requests , he said “Fine! if that’s what you want, you do it on your end but I will never do that”…Bull! Suit yourselves people, I don’t give a damn!

Waaa…gotta prepare for my presentation this afternoon. Data coding…piece of cake. hehehe kapal!

Posted by dumanay at 8:24 am | permalink | comments[3]

sOrRy…& tHaNk u…

September 3, 2008

So sorry, sorry to all those people who I know will get mad at me after reading my previous entries. Those people were good friends who kept on telling me to stand up (with chins up and raised eyebrows /:)  ) and never show anyone that i’m hurting. They do not agree with how I cope up with bad things. But to be able to set myself free from the past and start a new life, I had to stoop this low and lay everything in the open. I know someone’s laughing his head off but that doesn’t matter now. Laugh all you want and someday I’m gonna thank you for that.

Mama, Mng. Analyn, JAD,Tolitz, Bon, Janice, and Joey…those were the people who more or less knew everything, and steadfastly stood behind me even if they don’t usually agree with my actions.

Bakla hehehe ayoko na madagdagan remembrance ko sa face hahaha, that was the worst talaga.

Posted by dumanay at 3:46 pm | permalink | comments[4]

PicKinG uP tHe piEcEs

September 1, 2008

 Things that I’d rather not discuss with the person concerned but writing about them makes me feel better. I’m gonna write and forget all about this now… and erase it in time. After all I’m just over reacting…funny.

1. Mr. B. denied his new relationship (friends lang kano hehehehe the nerve, whats the point? I dunno…I have more or less expected him at least to have learned something from the past)…wawa naman the gurlalo, byutipul pa naman, and hmnn… classy.

2. When told that I was at CT, he wanted to come over…with his new gurl (what for? I’m completely lost, seems Mr. B. doesn’t know the word “sensitivity”, or I guess he just doesn’t care and he just wanted to show off…again I dont know, it’s kinda hard to believe that the most concerned and sensitive person I used to know has turned into someone like that)

***there seemed to be a misunderstanding here, I realized that when I was checking my phone. One thing is absolute though, I would never want them to see me in such a pitiful state.

3. There’s no point complaining, because it’s not actually Mr. B’s obligation to tell me everything. It was JUST a promise, a promise perse, told many times, maybe just to pacify an agitated mind.

I’m just too glad to put this ugly chapter in my life to rest. I’m now ready to put everything behind and start picking up the pieces. To some extent I’ve been operating my life on an autopilot but I guess it’s time now to take the controls. Starting tonight, I’m gonna have a peaceful sleep, and I honestly hope they will have the same. I actually wanted to apologize for being such a nuisance, and I’d like to say that I don’t want people to feel obligated to apologize. Things happened, and they happened for a reason. And there’s no one here to blame but ME, and ME ALONE…because I allowed this person to hurt me this much. It’s really funny because what’s happening is actually normal, like I’ve said I was over reacting to matters which I shouldn’t  be thinking in the first place, the problem is with me I admit that now. Just like what a mutual friend told me just a while ago, “dumz, what do you expect? that’s just normal you know, sooner or later that’s bound to happen, and guys will always be guys, you should know that”. And what irks me is that other people in similar situation take them in stride, but why not me? After a couple of failed relationships, I should have learned my lessons then, I should have known better, grown mature and wiser. Such gullibility is unacceptable. Too bad my lesson learned took it’s sweet time to sink in, and it took the longest and possibly the most difficult  path. But it finally arrived, yeah! it’s there at last! this last person certainly inflicted the biggest and ugliest scar in my whole life…Whew! it took me a long time to realize that but now it actually felt like a heavy weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Good luck and have a happy life everyone! Ciao for now!

Posted by dumanay at 4:22 pm | permalink | Add comment

yucks!

yucks! definitely yucks! I made a total mess of myself for the the first time since January (I really hoped that was the last one, I was mistaken)…Euh! I’m so embarassed, and I don’t think I can face those people nga binulabog ko last night. I cried my heart out, and told the molmolites what I was feeling right then right there. Seems like my world was blown to pieces and I was just ready to blow up as well…I really cannot tell exactly what had transpired, I just remember people symphatizing with me. Strangers giving their kind words. I can’t even say exactly how I came up with these bruises on my face hahahaha. Yaiks! kababain adda pay remembrance ko. I really cannot help laughing with my stupidity. People like that were not worth a single tear, and God knows I’ve cried enough already. And a friend said…” enough!  You have grieved so much already…”  I know that, but just like I told the molmolites, nobody can dictate me. My mind may agree with their advices but fact is…I am me! and I hate myself for that. That will be the last time I promised myself, from now on I’m gonna take care of my life and not waste a single moment thinking of some worthless people. I’m being unfair…yeah I know that too because this person is just being his natural self, and I don’t have any right to complain, absolutely nothing, NADA! There were things that I know sooner or later are bound to happen, I just didnt expect it this soon. And worst I didnt expect it to affect me this much. I thought I was okey. For several months I honestly thought I was okey…until last night.

A class A jerk! What I’ve learned I guess was the last straw, and it may prove to work for my advantage. I needed something to push me to my limits so I would be left with no choice but to MOVE ON…and Voila! there you go. Someday, I’m gonna thank this particular person for giving me such pain and heart aches. First I read a not so good email from my Aunt, then I hear awful things from my bro, and now this…perfect timing. It’s okey. Life’s like that…when it rains, it pours.

Yucks kadiri! my first time to throw up here at my work place.  

 

Posted by dumanay at 9:18 am | permalink | comments[6]

Prayer

August 26, 2008

Have you ever been in a situation where you feel so helpless and frustrated because you cannot do anything to help someone so dear to you? A family member or a friend? You feel so rotten inside because all you can do is hope that everything will turn out right. One thing we shouldn’t forget though, prayer is a powerful tool that shouldn’t be underestimated. This time for instance, I did my best to help, but it just wasn’t enough. I feel so bad that I couldn’t do more, all I can do now is to pray and hope for the best.

Posted by dumanay at 10:22 am | permalink | comments[4]

whatta day!!!

August 20, 2008

Brrr…. it’s really really cold out here. Typhoon “Karen” still raged outside, heavy rains and strong winds lashing angrily . I woke up early this morning half expecting typhoon “Karen” to be well on her way out of the country. Disappointed, I started preparing for the 3rd day of my red cross training. I even asked my friend Tolitz to call Red Cross if the training was cancelled. Unfortunately for me, they told my friend that with or without the typhoon, we have to continue with the training. Luckily, I had the good sense to bring extra clothes and shoes with me because when we reached Km. 3, there was a long procession of vehicles and a number of people walking. A policeman who was giving instructions to the drivers told us that there was a landslide ahead and passengers will have to walk a hundred meters or more to pass the landslide and transfer to the jeeps waiting at the other side. What a bummer! I was glad I was wearing flip flops then but nevertheless I still slipped when I walked across a muddy trunk of a tree to pass through a deep mud and avoid the knee length water. I could have landed heavily on the mud, backpack and all if not for the ready hand that grabbed my arm and helped me regain my balance. And only to walk in a water logged street again before reaching the waiting passenger jeeps. There were so many of us, students and office workers alike who were all rushing to reach the city. Appearances were no longer important so long as we reach our respective destinations on time. We all look like wet puppies in our drenched clothings. (more…)

Posted by dumanay at 10:15 am | permalink | comments[5]

A walk w/ sufficiently intelligent people :)

August 11, 2008

“Polishing turd“, “sequitur“, “tautology“, “insufficiently intelligent“, “romaine“, “iceberg“, and “imperialist” are just a few of the terms I’ve been hearing countlessly in the past 2 weeks.

 Being in the company of “sufficiently intelligent” people had been an eye opening experience for a mediocre (like me he he he). I can’t help but laugh at that description though, hahaha that sufficiently intelligent term originally started by Dr. Reardon as he constantly used it when exchanging witty repartee with my boss and Ma’am Lulu, albeit in a joking manner. Borrowing Dr. Reardon’s words, I used it also to describe four of the people I was obliged (:D) to work with in the past 2 weeks. These were my boss, Ma’am Lulu, Dr. Minten from IFPRE, and the ogre :) himself Dr. Reardon from ADB.

You have to be constantly alert because you do not know if the next question or inquiry will be directed to you. They’re actually basic information about our place that visitors expect us to know about. And mostly figures…arghh…Lessons learned. We woudn’t want to look like an idiot when asked about matters that we normally should be knowledgeable about (o yeah!). The experience was intellectually stressing and challenging, but nevertheless I’ve learned a lot from those people.

The trip to Mt. Trail was rather unscheduled (for me atleast) because I was only told to join the group the night before the travel. We spent 2 freezing nights at Mt. Data Lodge. OMG! You wouldn’t believe how cold the place was. Numb lips, icy hands and toes, brrr…It must be the coldest place on earth, said Dr. Minten. I readily agreed. I love the food, the service, and the staff, the flowers and pine trees, the place is great! But it would be even greater if heaters will be installed in the rooms. It’s not even the coldest time of the year yet but  it’s already very cold now. Dang! I wouldn’t want to be there on January or February.

PS. Btw, Dr. Minten is one goodlooking guy hahaha, Ma’am Lulu said he resembles Kevin Coster at one angle and one actor from “Prison Break” at another, and I said he looked like Richard Gere at another angle. Whoa! Dr. Reardon on the other hand looked like Ma’am Lulu’s German Prof. but not anybody famous, he’s one great fellow though according to my boss. uh! I would be scared if I were one of his students though..yeah! One must be sufficiently intelligent to survive inside his classroom. That I can only surmise.

Posted by dumanay at 9:40 am | permalink | comments[3]

Baby Gied

August 4, 2008

Last weekend I had the pleasure to spend time with my bestfriend and her little angel, Gied Khloe. Baby Gied is turning 4 months this August 8, and she’s rather big for her age. Beautiful baby.

She has such a very sweet disposition. She only cried once the whole time that I was with them, and that was only when we had her ears pierced by her pediatrician. Her birthstone is Aquamarine just like her mom. The name Gied was taken from her Mom Ginalyn and Dad Edward’s names. Nice combination and it sounds unique. Motherhood changed my bestfriend, bigtime. Ginalyn is now a picture of a very dedicated wife and mother. She looks happy and quite content with her life now.

Posted by dumanay at 11:15 am | permalink | comments[3]

Bound for Rebound

August 2, 2008

This is something that had been bugging me for months now. I wasn’t really comfortable with the subject but as time goes by, the picture is now getting clearer and I’ve learned to be more resigned about it. 

Further readings told me that there is almost a none existent percentage of success for relationships that started when one or both of the parties involved were still on the rebound stage. That I must disagree, I personally know a couple who had gone through this situation but at the end of the day they fell in love, got married and now happily living with their one child. But it wasn’t easy I should say, it took them a lot of patience and sacrifices before they realized that they were truly meant for each other. Sacrifices specially on the part of the girl. The guy who was then on the rebound stage (the person on a rebound is someone who is still affected by his/her previous relationship, specially if that relationship lasted for a longer time) was a total mess. We were witness on how much he suffered after his failed relationship with this long time gf. That didn’t last long, luckily for the girl, with her patience and persistence she was able to gain her man’s respect and affection. Likewise, the guy was able to regain his self respect and confidence.

Being a rebound girl or guy I guess hurts bigtime (a rebound girl/guy is someone who entered a relationship with a person who is still on a rebound). The most painful blow happens when the person who was then on a rebound has completely healed and decided that his/her rebound girl/guy finally served her/his sole purpose…to help them get over their previous flame.  Thus discarding their partner, ending the relationship and start looking for someone who they think is better than their rebound partner. Someone who perfectly fits their standard (physical, financial, etc)…making their rebound partner a lowly last choice… That story about my friend was a fairy tale. It happens maybe in one over a hundred rebound relationships…That’s how I see things because a relationship that started without honesty and sincerity will never work.

Before entangling yourself into a serious relationship, one must make sure that you yourself is free from your past, otherwise it would be unfair to the other party. Likewise, one must be sure that your partner is also free from his past relationships. A fresh start for both parties. 

What’s puzzling me is how can a person (who just broke up with his long time partner) pursue you with such determination (asking some friend’s help, calls day and night, never leaving your side and becoming your emotional strength during family problems, gaining your family’s trust, etc), with such drama…gaining your sympathy after telling the sad story of his life and making you believe that you were the one who saved him from self distraction, telling that you gave him the second chance to continue with life… (Only an idiot would ever believe those rubbish, after all, it’s all drama, an act well played) and then wham! it’s all over, and the person would act just normally, picking up the pieces and start looking around…you are completely out of the picture, just like that. You were witness to his dark side but still you insist to see only the goodness in him. At some point you even believed him to be the best, in terms of character (never considering his shady past), and in terms of all the goodness that he showed you. Act or not, again this idiot still admits that.  As it turned out, you now realize that you really don’t know that person, and you can no longer separate the truth from mere acts. Does this classify as a rebound? after all the person got over his past with an idiots help….or just some ramblings of a bitter heart? because the person moved on and found someone else while you, an idiot is taking the long process to recover. This idiot is completely at fault, of all that happened, no one’s to blame but this idiot girl alone. 

PS. Do not let yourself be emotionally dependent to your partner, until you get married I guess. That will save you buckets of tears. :)

Posted by dumanay at 3:56 pm | permalink | comments[3]

Awful day

July 31, 2008

Early this morning I received a txt message from my boss asking me to go to the office early. I had to drag myself out of my bed because I wasn’t really feeling well.

I was so restless last night due to a severe throbbing headache that lasted for several hours. I usually don’t take medicines for headache but if it’s really worst one advil usually work for me. Last night was different, the pain reliever did not work this time. I was tempted to take more pain relievers but a nurse friend whom I texted for advice told me not to.  It was really frustrating and banging my head against my pillows did not help at all. I can’t help but cry because of the severe pain. I normally have a high threshold for pain but last night it was really intolerable. I didn’t know what time I finally dozed off, but that was maybe around 2 am because I can still remember the tv network signing off.

I cant find the energy to start my day working but I had no choice. I had to meet my boss and accompany her on field for our on-going research funded by ADB. I must have looked awful, and my eyes were really awful when I went to the office. I wore a cap with a wide brim at the front that I pulled low to hide my eyes. My boss did all the talking while I busied myself taking down notes. Of all places I have to tolerate the noise, smell, dust, and specially the crowd at the Trading Post where we had to meet with Mr. D.D. and other key informants for the study.T’was the longest half day ever. 

PS. I saw Mr. B. today, twice actually. Ain’t that a kick? Dunno…my reaction still boggles the mind. My heart and mind knows no logic when it comes to that person.

Posted by dumanay at 5:02 pm | permalink | comments[3]

Quotable Quotes

July 29, 2008

 Here are some of my favorite quotes about life…and everything. Love ‘em!

***Many were taken from “The Alchemist” and “Maktub“. Very helpful and inspiring quotes. Free download for MAKTUB available at http://paulocoelho.com ***

“And, when you want something, all the universe conspires in helping you to achieve it” - Paulo Coelho (The Alchemist)

“It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting” - Paulo Coelho (The Alchemist)

“God’s decisions are always mysterious, but they are always in our favour” - Paulo Coelho (Maktub)

“Be glad of life because it gives you the chance to love and to work and to play and to look up at the stars” - Henry Van Dyke

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn’t do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.” - Mark Twain (more…)

Posted by dumanay at 9:44 am | permalink | comments[4]

Busy Months

July 28, 2008

Whew! It’s Monday morning and I’m feeling a bit under the weather.

Weekend was okey, rainy and cold but nonetheless it was just an ordinary weekend where I stayed home doing my weekend chores then watch my favorite tv programs, finished one paperback (Hemlock Bay) and started the Eleventh Hour, both are part of Catherine Coulter’s FBI Series. (more…)

Posted by dumanay at 9:34 am | permalink | comments[3]

Exorcising Personal Demons

July 25, 2008

What are your personal demons?

Com’on everybody’s got their personal or inner demons. Our personal demons are the negative voices that infiltrates our innermost thoughts. They are the negative energies within us that threatens to destroy our positive outlooks in life, and inevitably, unless we slay them first, they will lead us to unhappiness…and even worst…self-destruction.  (more…)

Posted by dumanay at 2:45 pm | permalink | comments[4]

Angels & Demons and The Da Vinci Code by Dan Brown

July 23, 2008

 About a year ago, an old friend gave me a copy of “Angels and Demons“  by Dan Brown.  Admittedly, I didn’t give much attention to the book because of it’s title. I can’t find the correct term to describe it but the title is just disconcerting…It sounds so religious…and religious horror stories gave me goose bumps. Perhaps the controversy over “The Da Vinci Code” contributed to my intial reaction. And I heard that A & D was a prequel of the said book. So I just kept it along with my pocketbook collection and forgot all about it. (more…)

Posted by dumanay at 3:18 pm | permalink | comments[5]

Life’s Crossroads

July 22, 2008

Life is a continuous journey, and a journey would mean we have to follow the roads that will lead us to our destination. The roads however, are not always smooth and straight, some are rough, bumpy, and crooked. We may even encounter detours, dead ends, and crossroads or intersections.

Likewise, as we journey through life, we constantly go through smooth and rough times, ups and downs, twists and turns, etc.. And most often we also encounter several crossroads along the way where we have to choose among different paths. Life in short is just like a road.

The picture depicts a man standing at the center of the crossroad, pretty undecided on which path he should follow. Many times, I came across big and small  crossroads in my life where I wasn’t so sure of which way to take. There were two options which I thought I can do, first is to think  quick and decide which path I thought is the right one, and second is to do nothing at all…I just wait and let fate decide for me.

If we ask ourselves this question, which of the two would you choose? This reminded me of the txt message forwarded to me last night that has something to do with giving up and making choices. It was a quote from Captain Jack Sparrow  of the movie Pirates of the Carribean … (more…)

Posted by dumanay at 11:08 am | permalink | comments[5]

Someday…

July 18, 2008

Someday-Nina (NiNa)

 Gee! I really love this song of Nina, here’s the chorus:

Coz someday, someone’s gonna love me
The way, i wanted you to need me
Someday, someone’s gonna take your place
One day i’ll forget about you
You’ll see, i won’t even miss you
Someday, someday

Someday…but when is someday?  It certainly isn’t a regular day of the week because it’s not even found on the calendar. How many times have you said “someday” when you plan to do something? When I was a kid, I can still remember fantasizing about many things that I plan to achieve…someday. Half a lifetime had gone but not even half of those dreams were accomplished. The fact is…”someday” does not really exist, unless we turn it into reality,  its just a fantasy that we like to dream about just like when we were kids. What should we do about it then?…First maybe is to remove the word “someday” from our vocabulary and start using “now” or “today” more often, then make a schedule (with specific dates) for the things that we plan to do. (more…)

Posted by dumanay at 4:55 pm | permalink | comments[3]

bluer than blue (part 2)

July 16, 2008

Another bluer than blue day! Whats new? :D

Something came up last weekend that really made me think of the true meaning of friendship. I’ve read it somewhere that it is impossible to lead a happy and fulfilling life without friends, I do agree with this, friends are important part of our life. However, I also believe that there’s no such thing as perfect friendship without going through a lot of obstacles to test the people involved. The following issues came right into my mind when I tried mulling over my friendship with some people around me. (more…)

Posted by dumanay at 12:52 pm | permalink | comments[5]

bluer than blue (part 1)

Have you ever wondered why “blue” is oftentimes associated with sadness and depression? If we say “blue mood”, we mean bad mood.  And yet the color blue looks so cool and calming, blue also represents peace, tranquility, stability, harmony, unity, trust, and confidence. The color blue in our Philippine flag for instance represents peace, quite a contradiction eh! (more…)

Posted by dumanay at 12:48 pm | permalink | comments[4]

i can’t tolerate…



Here’s a list of things that I can’t tolerate…some of it Im guilty of committing but now I’m trying my damndest not to do it again (pwamiz!)

  • intentional hypocrisy (clear-cut hypocrites are a total NO NO! ones in our lifetime we become hypocrites but becoming one through and through is another thing)
  • promises (doing it is better than any verbal commitment) (more…)

    Posted by dumanay at 12:46 pm | permalink | comments[3]

Why do we blog?

My first few blog entries were all posted at the same date because this account was created only today, July 16, 2008. What I did was to transfer my latest entries from my other blog.

Why do you blog?

Have you ever asked that to yourself? I just did. I must admit that I’m relatively a newbie in this blogging world, newbie or not, I do have my reasons why I blog.

A blog for me is like an old friend. A friend who would just listen to my ramblings without complain. A friend whom I could always talk to about anything…anytime. It provides me an outlet to express my thoughts freely…thoughts that I would have misgivings in sharing it with people I know. I found it easier to open up with strangers than it is with people I personally know. In blogging, you dont have to please anybody, you have the absolute freedom of sharing your thoughts. Pouring my thoughts and feelings in my blog kept me sane in countless occasions…Life in the past months (or was it years) has not been easy.

Others may blog to connect to people, to gain friends, to learn and to share knowledge and experiences. Blogging for me is simply to have freedom in expressing whats in my mind and what i feel inside…regardless of my writing skills which I admit is a disappointing mediocrity…

Posted by dumanay at 11:51 am | permalink | comments[3]
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