bluer than blue (part 2)

Another bluer than blue day! Whats new?

Something came up last weekend that really made me think of the true meaning of friendship. I’ve read it somewhere that it is impossible to lead a happy and fulfilling life without friends, I do agree with this, friends are important part of our life. However, I also believe that there’s no such thing as perfect friendship without going through a lot of obstacles to test the people involved. The following issues came right into my mind when I tried mulling over my friendship with some people around me.

RESPECT for PRIVACY: I’m the kind of person who gives utmost value to privacy. I like to keep private things private…(if possible) but sometimes circumstances change that left us no choice but to disclose some of it to selected people, to people we trust, mostly family and close friends.  One thing that I hate though is being grilled with prying questions, I like it better if I will voluntarily talk about it rather than people asking me intrusive questions that would put my personal privacy at risk. My “personal sphere”, figuratively and literally speaking, is so important to me that only time or circumstance will tell whether i decide to disclose it, or to whom would i decide to share it, unfortunately it is often hard to find that person. I believe that keeping certain things to ourselves is healthy, because it is a way of managing our self identity and it only indicates self-control.  With my personal view on privacy, it is only fair that I provide my friends the same privacy that I expect them to show me. The only glitch here is… my silence and actions were oftentimes misconstrued as being indifferent, unconcerned, or even cold :( (an ex bf once told me that)

BE EMPATHETIC: I consider this issue rather “sensitive”. People sometimes tend to forget to consider other people’s feelings before acting and saying things. Or maybe it was done or said deliberately eh? I’ll never know, Whatever the intentions are…Being tactful I reckon needs to be instilled in us…well, there were instances that being tactless works effectively to make a point…but still communicating with tact is the better option. It wouldn’t hurt to be tactful anyway.  In this instance for example, we are aware that a certain topic is a touchy subject to one of our friends, but still we keep on talking or broaching about it in our friend’s presence…not minding or not even occuring to us that our friend is upset over the subject. Of course mere acquaintances or people who hardly know our friend can’t be blamed, and it’s less painful. But in friendship, one must be considerate of the other one’s feelings before launching into incessant talk about a certain issue. Ignorance per se is an acceptable excuse but of course that is hardly the situation if we consider the person a friend…because more or less we were aware of our friend’s predicament…Right?…Orayt! so bottomline….lets try putting ourselves in the other person’s shoes…thats being empathetic.

HONESTY & SINCERITY: Genuine friendship does not exist without honesty and sincerity. These two virtues had been tested over time between me and the people who remained my true friends over the years. I’m a friendly enough person but I must admit, as time goes by and as we grow older, friends just come and go, and very few remained.  A friend for me is a friend, without pretensions, I consider them my friends regardless of anything…lifestyle, age, ideas, personality etc. I may not always agree with them and sometimes we may even have some misunderstandings but still I value them as my friends…They hold a very important role in my life. They were the ones who kept me sane during the toughest part of my life. There’s this one person whom I’ve known for several years, this person is one of my close friends actually, but things changed drastically between us…a major fall out that I attributed to a very sensitive matter that til now I have my apprehensions in bringing it up…atleast on my part. (I know it’s contradicting my views on honesty but I’m sure everything will come out when the right time comes…just gimme time…) Argh! A real downer! Nevertheless, I sincerely consider this friend as a friend…regardless of our differences…and we really are friends til now…I guess.  

I guess I’ve said enough already, I’d better stop here otherwise all those previous miseries and disappointments, disillusionment or whatever will pour out non stop. Lets reserve the rest for the next entries.

Ciao!

(original date: July 15, 2008)